9 January 2010 – USA, Australia
Recent airport security lapses have once again revealed the shortcomings of modern screening technology.
The Obama administration, after a flurry of damage control, has unveiled a bold, yet refreshingly simple, initiative to bolster security of outbound flights from the USA. Codenamed “Garden of Eden”, the back-to-basics plan is lauded by a senior official to have “zero detection error with almost zero investment costs”.
Instead of a gauntlet of scanners, sniffers and detectors, passengers simply have to proceed through the “Garden of Eden”. Inside, passengers are required to remove all their clothes, including undergarments, socks and stockings. But the apparent genius of the plan, based on papers obtained by The Absurd News, is the as yet undisclosed proposal to allow passengers to opt for a nude sketch of them to be done by a resident team of artists. The papers say that such an unprecedented move would have a three-fold purpose: To allow passengers a chance to own a souvenir, to allow artists more opportunities to refine their nude drawing skills, and to generate revenue for each airport authority.
An acclaimed artist The Absurd News spoke to had his doubts. “For one thing, my peers and I hardly think that making sketch after sketch of hairy, overweight men would elevate our art form,” he said under conditions of anonymity. “And the proposed price of US$14.97 (after taxes) per drawing would certainly be prohibitive to all except the hardened souvenir seeker.”
Not to be outdone, the Australians are also keen to implement a similar initiative. A demarcated area on Sydney’s famous Bondi Beach will be used to process outgoing passengers. A lifeguard explained that passengers booked on outgoing flights who sunbathe nude in the special zone would not have to pass through the usual security checks at the airport. Apparently this is a creative attempt at extending the “downtown check-in” concept offered by many leading airlines. The lifeguard did, however, concede that Sydney officials have not been able to formulate a workable plan on how to transit the nude sunbathing passenger to his flight.
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